Runaway

I ran away once as a little girl.

(Ok, twice.  But, I'm not counting the time in high school.  Hormonal, moody teenager who just thought the world was unfair, doesn't count. I was hanging out at a friends house when my mom pulled up and yanked me into the car to take me home.)

I tell you this because I felt like running away again today.

As a little girl, we lived a few miles outside of town, in a little housing edition, but on a dirt road, none-the-less.  Real country.

I packed, angry at who knows what, and spewed out all kinds of crazy at my mom, I'm sure.  She let me.  Then I stomped out the door and started walking down that country road.  I know my mom could see me the entire time, out the windows of our home.

I walked, and walked and walked... all the way to the end of that road, where I had to make a choice.  Right or left. 

I chose to invent an excuse to turn around and go home. 

Amazingly brave, I know.

When I walked in with my "excuse" of forgetting something, my mom told me I had one chance, and I didn't get to leave again.  And, I'm pretty sure I was in my room for the rest of the evening.

Whew.... I know I was thankful.  What if I had actually turned right or left?? 
I know now, that she knew I wouldn't.  Didn't have it in me.

So, what's the story today?

Today, I am an overwhelmed mama.

Don't you know that I KNOW I am a blessed mama?
And, generally, a very happy one.

These boys, they are trying their very best to break me. (That's how it feels, I know it's not actually that way.  They are children, doing child-like things.)

I woke this morning determined not to lose my cool today.  To treat every situation with grace and understanding...

Fail. 

By 10:00am, my precious 2-year-old had bitten everyone in the house, leaving marks on two of us. And, the 5-year-old had had a meltdown of epic proportions.  Chairs were turned over, papers thrown, tears shed.

 Epic. 

Over a backpack and school lunch. 

You know, life or death stuff.

Something I have discovered through motherhood, is I'm not actually a very patient person.  Not really.

I like to think I am.

I'm not.

So, my resolve to not lose my cool, firmly planted, crumbled like a cake donut (doesn't that sound yummy??) and I lost my cool.

Called my husband, who can fix everything, including my bad mood most of the time, and he came home and fixed it.

(My children act a little different for their Daddy.  Anyone else??)

While, I felt momentarily better, I also felt like a failure.

I have to call my husband, home from work, to help me with these boys.

So, running away felt like a great option for about an hour.

Lots of deep breathing and lots of crying.

Being a mommy and a wife is hard.

Nobody really mentions this when you are growing up with stars in your eyes about "playing house" and being a bride, wife and mommy.

If you mentioned it, we wouldn't listen anyway.

Where am I going with this?

Ok, running felt like a great option, right after a bottle of red wine and a bubble bath.

I get why some moms and dads choose that option.  I really do.  There are days that are overwhelmingly hard.  I say this, living a really blessed, healthy, happy life.

So many are not so lucky.  They have really hard moments on top of hard days on top of hard, broken lives. 

Running away is never actually an option here.  I adore my family, my life.

LOVE these sweet children of mine.

And, this man who will come home and wipe my tears and tell me I am a great mommy, even when I'm not.

I could run, but I would miss so much.

All the smiles, and giggles.
All the learning moments.
All the joy.
All the hugs and slobbery kisses.
All the blessing.

So, in my mind, I took a walk.
Down that country road.
And I made it all the way to the end where I had to choose... right or left.
I turned around and came home. (I know my mama knew I would)

I took a breath and jumped back in.

Because it's worth it.

I am a blessed mama.

Love & Laughter,
abby

(Feel free to leave a comment about a day you felt like running... it will make my day!)